I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
