Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
