he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
