C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I deserve this hangover.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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