Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
