I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
