He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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