The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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