I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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