I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just high enough for therapy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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