You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
