If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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