A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
