So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
