Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
