I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
