I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
