It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
