anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
