mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
