You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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