That's intense
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
