Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
