I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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