HIV tests are more positive than that guy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
