Barsexuality is the new black.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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