I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
