You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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