I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
