I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
