I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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