Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
