i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Panties = found
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
