And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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