The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
