Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
