An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
