i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
