i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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