On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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