how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
