When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
