You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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