Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
