Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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