Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
