I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
