I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
