no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
