Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
