Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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