Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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