so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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